貝賽誠請有經驗愛乾淨需煮晚餐及清掃家務週一至週五時間4pm-8pm有意者請電
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
On labeling women 'crazy'
From: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/harris-oamalley/on-labeling-women-crazy_b_4259779.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular
I've had to quit telling stories about crazy exes or women I've dated.
The problem was that I started realizing that when my friends and I would talk about our crazy exes or what-have-you, more often than not, we weren't talking about ex-girlfriends or random dates who exhibited signs of genuine mental health issues. Now I did have a few where I would qualify my story with, "No, I don't mean 'we broke up and I can't be bothered to figure out where things went wrong, I mean that she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and was starting to show signs of genuine paranoia," but for the most part, crazy meant "acting in a way I didn't like."
And I didn't realize just how damaging this attitude was in the way I related to women.
Part of my journey toward getting better with women was having to unlearn a lot of old attitudes and habits when it came toward dealing with the opposite sex. I, like most men, grew up in an world where certain attitudes toward women were just "the way things were" and we absorbed them without thinking about them.
One of them was the tendency to use labels like "crazy" or "irrational" without thinking. And once I noticed my tendency towards tossing "crazy" out as a verbal short cut, I couldn't not see it everywhere.
It's a habit that we men need to break; it's damaging to relationships, trivializes genuine mental health issues and -- most importantly -- hurts women as a whole.
The Five Deadly Words
There are certain words that are applied to women specifically in order to manipulate them into compliance: "slut," "bitch," "ugly/fat" and, of course, "crazy." These words encapsulate what society defines as the worst possible things a woman can be. Slut-shaming is used to coerce women into restricting their own sexuality into a pre-approved vision of feminine modesty and restraint. "Bitch" is used against women who might be seen as being too aggressive or assertive... acting, in other words, like a man might. "Ugly" or "fat" are used -- frequently interchangeably -- to remind them that their core worth is based on a specific definition of beauty, and to deviate from it is to devalue not only oneself but to render her accomplishments or concerns as invalid.
"Crazy" may well be the most insidious one of the four because it encompasses so much. At its base, calling women "crazy" is a way of waving away any behavior that men might find undesirable while simultaneously absolving those same men from responsibility. Why did you break up with her? Well, she was crazy. Said something a woman might find offensive? Stop being so sensitive.
The idea of the "crazy" woman is so vague and nebulous that it can apply to just about any scenario.
"Crazy" Women
The association between women's behavior and being labeled "crazy" has a long and infamous history in Western culture. The word "hysteria" -- defined as "behavior exhibiting excessive or uncontrollable emotion, such as fear or panic" -- is derived from the ancient Greek word "hystera," meaning uterus. Until the early 20th century, female hysteria was the official medical diagnosis for a truly massive array of symptoms in women including but not limited to: loss of appetite, nervousness, irritability, fluid retention, emotional excitability, outbursts of negativity, excessive sexual desire and "a tendency to cause trouble."
(Worth noting: much of the blame for "female hysteria" was placed on "wandering uterus syndrome" or other sexual "dysfunctions." While this did eventually lead to the invention of the vibrator, one of the common cures was a clitorectomy.)
While some of the symptoms of "female hysteria" could be signs of legitimate (if misdiagnosed) mental health issues, most of it described male (as the medical field was a men-only profession up until the mid-19th century) discomfort with women's behavior and sexuality. Calling it a medical issue meant that men didn't have to respond to behavior that challenged male sensibilities or belief structures. Instead, labeling women as "hysterical" made it much easier to diminish women's concerns and issues without having to pause to consider them as possibly being valid.
What Guys Mean When We Say "You're Overreacting"...
Men on the whole are quick to toss the "crazy" label onto women without stopping to think about it what they're saying. It's almost a reflexive response to a host of behaviors that men find inconvenient or undesirable.
Stop me if any of this sounds like something you've said -- or heard -- in a relationship: "You're overreacting"; "Don't worry about it so much, you're over-thinking it"; "Stop being so defensive."
It does to me.
I've said all of these things to women I'd been dating. I'm willing to bet most of the men have said something similar and the women have heard it more times than they can count.
To give a personal example:
Back in the bad old days, I was notoriously self-absorbed. It wasn't that I thought that I was the greatest thing ever, it was just that I didn't really stop to spare too many thoughts for others. I was willing to make an effort for others, but only so far as it didn't really inconvenience me past a "reasonable" point. I didn't want to have long drawn out conversations about how my behavior made my girlfriend feel and I certainly didn't want to get dragged into what I saw as unnecessary drama. In fact, I was incredibly drama-averse, thanks to an early unhealthy relationship.
As a result... well, I wasn't willing to consider how others were feeling. When the woman I was dating would try to explain to me how the way I treated her felt, I would tell her that she was seeing things. She was overreacting to inconsequential stuff. She was being over-sensitive, reading things into what I was saying or doing that just weren't there.
The subtext to everything I was saying was simple: "You are behaving in a way that I find inconvenient, and I want to you to stop." I wasn't willing to engage with her emotionally and address her very real concerns because I was too wrapped up in my own shit to think about other people. As a result, I would minimize her issues. By telling her that she was reading too much into things, I was framing the situation as her being irrational.
I didn't realize it at the time, but what I was doing was, in effect, telling her that she didn't have the right to feel the way she felt... because I didn't want her to feel that way.
Needless to say, that relationship didn't last long. Neither did the ones that followed. It wasn't until I was willing to change my attitudes towards dating and how I related to women that I started having more meaningful relationships, whether casual or long term.
Gaslighting and Emotional Manipulation
When someone talks about the woman who he broke up with because she called too often or seemed get emotionally involved faster than he was comfortable with, because she got angry with him over the way he acted, she was always arguing with him about stuff or even that she wanted different things from the relationship, it's not uncommon to hear, "That's why you don't stick it in the crazy." The man is absolved of any responsibility for the break up; it's not because he was willing to pretend to be on the same page as her regarding the future of the relationship because it was convenient and meant that he could continue sleeping with her, it's because she was crazy. It's not because he was unwilling to discuss her concerns. She's crazy, case closed, time to move on to the next woman without pausing to reflect.
By dismissing a woman's behavior or concerns as crazy, we inadvertently take part in a behavior known as "gaslighting." Named for the classic George Cukor movie, gaslighting is a term used by psychologists to describe abusive behavior where a person is made to feel as though their emotions and reactions are irrational, even (dare I say) crazy. By constantly minimizing and dismissing someone's reactions, we make them feel uncomfortable with themselves and cause them to start to doubt their own feelings. If they're being told over and over again that what they're feeling is irrational or unreal, that what they're feeling is somehow out of whack, then they start to accept that maybe it is.
Even when it's not. Especially when it's not.
Gaslighting -- minimizing their feelings, reframing them as being unreasonable -- is classic abusive behavior. It's telling someone that they don't have a right to the way they feel because what they're feeling is wrong. Their feelings or their concerns or behavior isn't "rational." Once you take away their right to their feelings, it's that much easier to manipulate a person into the way you want them to behave.
Labeling women as "crazy" is a way of controlling them. It may not be something planned or pre-meditated, but the ease with which men call women "crazy" says a lot about them. Calling a woman "crazy" is quick and easy shut-down to any discussion. Once the "crazy" card has been pulled out, women are now put on the defensive: The onus is no longer on the man to address her concerns or her issue; it's on her to justify her behavior, to prove that she is not, in fact, crazy or irrational. Men don't even have to provide any sort of argument back -- it's a classic catch-22: "The fact that you don't even see that you're acting crazy is just proof that it's crazy."
"What's Your Damage?"
The trend of labeling women "crazy" is part of the culture that socializes women to go along to get along. When women are told over and over again that they're not allowed to feel the way they feel and that they're being "unreasonable" or "oversensitive," they're conditioned to not trust their own emotions. Their behavior -- being assertive, even demanding or standing up for how they feel -- becomes an "inconvenience" to men and they're taught not to give offense and to consider the feelings of others before their own.
Casually, even reflexively calling women crazy and the stigmatization of "crazy" (i.e., inconvenient or uncomfortable) behavior has become a way of trying to keep women behaving in a very specific and limited manner. It perpetuates the madonna/whore dichotomy -- that women are either submissive, demure and sexually restrained or irrational bitches on wheels, the emotional equivalent of riding Space Mountain after five shots of Mescal.
We may not intend to manipulate women this way -- most of the time we're not even aware that we're doing it. Most of us are conditioned into it; it's a part of the subtle background radiation that still teaches us that women's desires and opinions are secondary to men's. But the fact that we don't mean to cause harm doesn't change the fact that we do without even thinking about it.
Sure, we taught you that you should never trust your own feelings and that standing up for what you want is bad but there's no real harm done right?
As with other bad habits and acculturation, we need to unlearn this tendency to use "crazy" as a weapon. It's only by recognizing this behavior in ourselves and teaching ourselves to avoid it that we can quit poisoning how we relate to one another and letting it hold us back from the relationships we all want.
This post originally appeared on Paging Dr. Nerdlove.
by Harris O’Malley, a dating coach.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
lowes hours
West Sacramento, CA
- 2250 Lake Washington Blvd
- West Sacramento, CA 95691, Store #2755
- Phone: (916) 373-7660 | Fax: (916) 373-7661
- Mon-Sat 6 Am - 10 Pm, Sun 7 Am - 9 Pm
appliance recycling & battery/fluorescent light bulb disposal
http://www.dtsc.ca.gov/HazardousWaste/Mercury/upload/Master-CAR-for-web-by-location-June-20-
2011-2.pdf
130 N. 12th Street
Sacramento
CA
0110 Appliance Distribution Inc. 915 North B Street Sacramento, CA 95814 (916) 497-0274 20-May-12
0113 Sacramento Recycling & Transfer Station 8491 Fruitridge Road Sacramento, CA 95826 (916) 379-0500 15-Jun-13
0168 Louis AC Salvage 2410 Mercantile Dr Sacramento, CA 95826 (916) 821-3919 16-Sep-13
0233 Harlow Recovery, Inc. 6000 Midway St. 450E Sacramento, CA 95828 (916) 379-0470 28-Sep-12
0268 Paul's Hauling Service 7692 Florencia Lane Sacramento, CA 95829 (916) 549-7545 23-Jun-12
0155 Appliance Warehouse 4926 Auburn Boulevard Sacramento, CA 95841 916-826-4392 22-Apr-13
0391 SIMS Group USA Corporation 130 North 12
th
Street
Sacramento, CA 95814 (916) 444-3380 11-Jul-14
0404 Recycle Pros, Inc. 2945 Ramona Avenue Sacramento, CA 95826 16-Oct-11
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fluorescent Lights and Battery Recycling Locations
- Greenhaven Ace Hardware 388 Florin Rd
- Hollywood Hardware 5303 Freeport Blvd
- Capitol Ace Hardware 1815 I Street
- Cook's Ace Hardware 2125 Del Paso Blvd.
- East Sacramento Hardware, 4800 Folsom Blvd.
- Sacramento Natural Food Coop, 1900 Alhambra Blvd
The disposal services listed above are free to our residential customers and apply only to household batteries and fluorescent lamps that are generated at your residence.
Sacramento, CA
Monday, August 12, 2013
Beauty
Makeovers
1) Braces
2) PRK eye correction surgery
3) Maxillary protrusion
4) bimaxillary protrusion
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2884890/
1) Braces
2) PRK eye correction surgery
3) Maxillary protrusion
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2884890/
Bimaxillary Protrusion: An Overview of the Surgical-Orthodontic Treatment
how to make farming profitable
0) Plan 1. minimize costs 2. minimize competitions 3. develop niche market 4. connections 5. marketing 6. branding 7. increase profit 8. reducing waste 9. understanding needs and wants of consumers 10. satisfying consumers
1) http://smallfarms.cornell.edu/2011/07/04/farm-profit-making-a-life-and-a-living-from-your-farm/
2) The Organic Farmer's Business Handbook: A Complete Guide to Managing Finances, Crops, and Staff - and Making a Profit (Paperback)
1) http://smallfarms.cornell.edu/2011/07/04/farm-profit-making-a-life-and-a-living-from-your-farm/
Farm Goals
Other farmers meticulously plan their operations to generate the greatest possible profit. Richard Wiswall points out in The Organic Farmer’s Business Handbook that it is entirely possible to make a living on a small farm that is competitive with doctors’ or lawyers’ salaries. You can earn enough to fund your retirement and to put your kids through college. You can do this and also still have some of the quality of life benefits mentioned above. But you must be devoted to the focus on profit; persistently culling crops or animals that don’t meet your profit goals, gaining efficiencies and cutting costs that aren’t essential. If you are not willing to put in that kind of intensive management work and focus on return-on-investment, you can still make a living on your farm, but you’ll likely still need some off-farm income.
www.shelterbeltfarm.com2) The Organic Farmer's Business Handbook: A Complete Guide to Managing Finances, Crops, and Staff - and Making a Profit (Paperback)
Incomplete, poorly organized, and occasionally just plain wrong, January 29, 2010
By
Wiswall's book makes a decent start, and the costing templates are pretty good. It's nicely illustrated. The writing is appropriately colloquial and flows reasonably well within chapters.
The chapter structure, however, is rather incoherent, interspersing chapters on assorted aspects of cost accounting and very simple cash flow management with others on marketing, time management, and employees. A chapter on office paper flow is followed by one that lumps together retirement planning and business spending. Then comes one on greenhouses and field production efficiencies. The next chapter discusses writing a business plan, and then a final (3-page) chapter on estate planning. Huh?
The sections on production management will be quite helpful to people who've not considered such things systematically, but they do contain some rather sloppy errors. For example, on p. 100 he talks about setting the wheel spacings on all tractors to 60 inches (which is the same as we use for our vegetable production), yet in the very next paragraph he describes large plants such as squash as being on a "6-foot spacing overall."
Similarly, his basic stuff on office organization will be helpful to growers who are currently doing little more than handing a grocery sack full of receipts to their tax person once a year. Unfortunately, his ideas on managing the flow of funds between family and farm are somewhat convoluted. Intuit's accounting programs (which he uses) have easier ways of addressing the same problem. And using the same credit card for business and family purchases is just a giant make-work project.
Wiswall is way out of his depth in regard to all he writes about capital management. Since this book is obviously written for people with little management experience, how is it that a book published in 2009 is talking about interest yields of 5% for Treasury bonds and bank CDs. Bondholders will get clobbered when interest rates rise from their current multi-generational lows; and how many *sound* banks are offering 5% on a CD? Not only that, but average long-term returns of 8% in the stock market? That simply does not happen for people who invest when market valuations (in relation to corporate income) are as high as they are now. Following such simplistic advice will be hazardous to your money.
Which brings me to the most egregious error of all. On page 95 Wiswall declares "Tax avoidance is the main reason I capitalize my farm business. If I have a less profitable year and I'm not in need of a tax advantage, any machinery I purchase must strongly increase farm profitability; that is, the machinery must pay for itself quickly by saving other costs."
Tax avoidance should have absolutely nothing to do with capital purchases. Either they make sense, or they don't. He admits he's more careful about big-ticket purchases in a weak year than in a strong one. What kind of management is that? Such thinking leads to clusters of poor capital allocation that threaten business viability over the long term.
This book is written from the perspective of someone who thinks like a production manager. The great weakness of most family farms is that the owners don't think like business owners, or even CEOs. Their management and decision-making generally remains at the level of a production manager, or perhaps a VP Operations. Wiswall's book provides no departure from that managerial framework and does not effectively address the higher-level managerial challenges faced by most family farms. He nibbles at Holistic Management with his comments on goal setting at the beginning, but thereafter offers absolutely nothing from the excellent HM decision-making model. By all means visit [...] for some vastly better guidance.
That said, if you can't pick up two hundred bucks of tips from this thirty-dollar book ... you probably shouldn't be farming. It's definitely worth the money, and the companion CD will save you many hours of attempting to build the same thing yourself. Just treat his advice on higher-level management with lots of diligent skepticism, and do not expect any sort of logical and coherent over-arching structure to the writing.
The chapter structure, however, is rather incoherent, interspersing chapters on assorted aspects of cost accounting and very simple cash flow management with others on marketing, time management, and employees. A chapter on office paper flow is followed by one that lumps together retirement planning and business spending. Then comes one on greenhouses and field production efficiencies. The next chapter discusses writing a business plan, and then a final (3-page) chapter on estate planning. Huh?
The sections on production management will be quite helpful to people who've not considered such things systematically, but they do contain some rather sloppy errors. For example, on p. 100 he talks about setting the wheel spacings on all tractors to 60 inches (which is the same as we use for our vegetable production), yet in the very next paragraph he describes large plants such as squash as being on a "6-foot spacing overall."
Similarly, his basic stuff on office organization will be helpful to growers who are currently doing little more than handing a grocery sack full of receipts to their tax person once a year. Unfortunately, his ideas on managing the flow of funds between family and farm are somewhat convoluted. Intuit's accounting programs (which he uses) have easier ways of addressing the same problem. And using the same credit card for business and family purchases is just a giant make-work project.
Wiswall is way out of his depth in regard to all he writes about capital management. Since this book is obviously written for people with little management experience, how is it that a book published in 2009 is talking about interest yields of 5% for Treasury bonds and bank CDs. Bondholders will get clobbered when interest rates rise from their current multi-generational lows; and how many *sound* banks are offering 5% on a CD? Not only that, but average long-term returns of 8% in the stock market? That simply does not happen for people who invest when market valuations (in relation to corporate income) are as high as they are now. Following such simplistic advice will be hazardous to your money.
Which brings me to the most egregious error of all. On page 95 Wiswall declares "Tax avoidance is the main reason I capitalize my farm business. If I have a less profitable year and I'm not in need of a tax advantage, any machinery I purchase must strongly increase farm profitability; that is, the machinery must pay for itself quickly by saving other costs."
Tax avoidance should have absolutely nothing to do with capital purchases. Either they make sense, or they don't. He admits he's more careful about big-ticket purchases in a weak year than in a strong one. What kind of management is that? Such thinking leads to clusters of poor capital allocation that threaten business viability over the long term.
This book is written from the perspective of someone who thinks like a production manager. The great weakness of most family farms is that the owners don't think like business owners, or even CEOs. Their management and decision-making generally remains at the level of a production manager, or perhaps a VP Operations. Wiswall's book provides no departure from that managerial framework and does not effectively address the higher-level managerial challenges faced by most family farms. He nibbles at Holistic Management with his comments on goal setting at the beginning, but thereafter offers absolutely nothing from the excellent HM decision-making model. By all means visit [...] for some vastly better guidance.
That said, if you can't pick up two hundred bucks of tips from this thirty-dollar book ... you probably shouldn't be farming. It's definitely worth the money, and the companion CD will save you many hours of attempting to build the same thing yourself. Just treat his advice on higher-level management with lots of diligent skepticism, and do not expect any sort of logical and coherent over-arching structure to the writing.
3) Rose & flower arranagements:
The Flower Farmer: An Organic Grower's Guide to Raising and Selling Cut Flowers, 2nd Edition[Paperback]
Lynn Byczynski (Author), Robin Wimbiscus (Illustrator)
The domestic cut flower business has experienced a renaissance in the past decade, thanks in large part to the first edition of The Flower Farmer: An Organic Grower’s Guide to Raising and Selling Cut Flowers, which helped thousands of small growers start successful businesses. This newly expanded and thoroughly revised edition will be equally as influential for novices and experienced growers alike.
With the cut flower business growing at record rates, demand is at all time highs, challenging growers to take advantage of new techniques to prolong the harvest. New sections on utilizing greenhouses, recommendations for flower cultivars, and post harvest handling growers throughout all of North America will help improve their bottom line. Also updated is the acclaimed resource directory, complete with sources of seeds, plants and supplies, and expert information on organic production under the National Organic Program.
For the beginner and backyard gardener, there is an extensive section on the basics—variety selection, soil preparation, planting, cultivation, harvest, and floral design. For the commercial grower, The Flower Farmer includes information about larger-scale production, plus advice about selling to florists, wholesalers, supermarkets, brides, at farmers markets, and more. Also includes revised profiles of successful growers offering behind-the-scenes insight into the operation of some of the cutting edge flower farmers in the country.
Because of the extensive revisions and enhanced content, this new edition of The Flower Farmer is essential reading for those already in the flower business, as well as those who dream of growing flowers for enjoyment or profit.
With the cut flower business growing at record rates, demand is at all time highs, challenging growers to take advantage of new techniques to prolong the harvest. New sections on utilizing greenhouses, recommendations for flower cultivars, and post harvest handling growers throughout all of North America will help improve their bottom line. Also updated is the acclaimed resource directory, complete with sources of seeds, plants and supplies, and expert information on organic production under the National Organic Program.
For the beginner and backyard gardener, there is an extensive section on the basics—variety selection, soil preparation, planting, cultivation, harvest, and floral design. For the commercial grower, The Flower Farmer includes information about larger-scale production, plus advice about selling to florists, wholesalers, supermarkets, brides, at farmers markets, and more. Also includes revised profiles of successful growers offering behind-the-scenes insight into the operation of some of the cutting edge flower farmers in the country.
Because of the extensive revisions and enhanced content, this new edition of The Flower Farmer is essential reading for those already in the flower business, as well as those who dream of growing flowers for enjoyment or profit.
4) Eliot Coleman books?
The New Organic Grower: A Master's Manual of Tools and Techniques for the Home and Market Gardener, 2nd Edition (A Gardener's Supply Book) [Paperback] 1995
5) Sustainable Market Farming: Intensive Vegetable Production on a Few Acres [Paperback]
Across North America, an agricultural renaissance is unfolding. A growing number of market gardeners are emerging to feed our appetite for organic, regional produce. But most of the available resources on food production are aimed at the backyard or hobby gardener who wants to supplement their family's diet with a few homegrown fruits and vegetables. Targeted at serious growers in every climate zone, Sustainable Market Farming is a comprehensive manual for small-scale farmers raising organic crops sustainably on a few acres.
Informed by the author's extensive experience growing a wide variety of fresh, organic vegetables and fruit to feed the approximately one hundred members of Twin Oaks Community in central Virginia, this practical guide provides:
Pam Dawling is a contributing editor with Growing for Market magazine. An avid vegetable grower, she has been farming as a member of Twin Oaks Community in central Virginia for over twenty years, where she helps grow food for around one hundred people on three and a half acres, and provides training in sustainable vegetable production.
Informed by the author's extensive experience growing a wide variety of fresh, organic vegetables and fruit to feed the approximately one hundred members of Twin Oaks Community in central Virginia, this practical guide provides:
- Detailed profiles of a full range of crops, addressing sowing, cultivation, rotation, succession, common pests and diseases, and harvest and storage
- Information about new, efficient techniques, season extension, and disease resistant varieties
- Farm-specific business skills to help ensure a successful, profitable enterprise
Pam Dawling is a contributing editor with Growing for Market magazine. An avid vegetable grower, she has been farming as a member of Twin Oaks Community in central Virginia for over twenty years, where she helps grow food for around one hundred people on three and a half acres, and provides training in sustainable vegetable production.
6) Lynn Byczynski books
Market Farming Success [Perfect Paperback]
Book Description
An Insider's Guide to Market Gardening and Farming. If you are in the business of growing and selling food, flowers, herbs or plants, this book will help you make your farm more efficient and profitable. Market Farming Success identifies the key areas that usually trip up beginners and shows how to avoid those obstacles. Expert advice includes: How much you'll need to start How much you can expect to earn The best crops and markets Essential tools How to keep records to maximize profits Market Farming Success is the quintessential "insider's guide" that will make you a more professional and savvy grower and speed you on the path to success.
7) Backyard Market Gardening: The Entrepreneur's Guide to Selling What You Grow [Paperback]
Andrew W. Lee 1992
Discover how easy and profitable it is to grow ans sell vegetables, fruits, flowers, herbs and small livestock from your own backyard market garden. Learn how others grow and sell: o 14,000 pounds of food, on less than one-eighth acre - Ohio o $150,000 from one-half acre, to fancy restaurants - California o $40,000 from one acre of oriental raised beds - Oregon o $36,000 from 3/4 acre, to city farmers' markets - Massachusetts Learn how you can: . Earn top dollar, with minimum effort and maximum profits. . Grow high-value crops in small spaces, efficiently and quickly. . Improve your garden soil for super yields and superb flavor. . Create markets that are profitable, reliable, fun and sustainable. . Improve your garden soil for super yields and superb flavor. . Buy or build tools that speed your work and increase profits. . Enjoy a guaranteed salary from community supported agriculture or a membership garden. Find your market niche in: membership gardening, community supported agriculture, farmers' markets, card table in your front yard, farm stands, clientele membership clubs, producers cooperatives, restaurants, caterers, institutions, pick your own and even growing specialty crops for your neighbor's salsa recipe. "BACKYARD MARKET GARDENING is the book that shows you how to do what you can with what you have where you are." - George DeVault, Organic Gardening Magazine. "Market gardening as described by Andy Lee is very rewarding to the soul, the soil, the environment, and the flow of capital."- Jim Hightower, Austin, Texas
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Goal in life: Pursuit of Happiness
 |
| From: http://notsalmon.com/2011/09/09/true-happiness-comes-from-within-stop-seeking-so-hard-to-find-it-create-it/ |
Continue working to pursuit your happiness.
Make others happy makes self happy.
Anesthesiology salary 2012 survey
Anesthesiologists in the South Central region (Texas, Oklahoma, and Arkansas) earn the most, at a mean income of $331,000 – a slight increase over the prior year. The next highest earners were physicians in the Great Lakes region, at $328,000. Last year, anesthesiologists in the Southwest earned the most. Respondents in the West earned the least, at a mean income of $283,000. For physicians overall, those in the North Central states earned the most.
source: http://www.medscape.com/features/slideshow/compensation/2012/anesthesiology
Assuming $310K per year, after tax:
AZ: $204,677.85
CA: $182,669.95
TX: $213,047.85
NY: $191,177.72
IL: 197,547.85
KS: $198,289.85
FL: $213,047.85
source: http://www.paycheckcity.com/calculator/salary/result
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Want shelf genie for my new apt:
http://www.shelfgenie.com
http://www.leevalley.com/US/home/OnlineCatalog.aspx?id=167bc2ec p180
http://www.shelfgenie.com
http://www.leevalley.com/US/home/OnlineCatalog.aspx?id=167bc2ec p180
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Competencies to Assess Anesthesiologist Clinical Performance in Simulator
| Intrinsic Competencies | |
|---|---|
| Communicator | Clear/concise, verbal and nonverbal, closed loop technique, share information -- "think aloud," orient new members, exchange information, listen to team input. |
| Collaborator | Should stay calm and in control during crisis, demonstrate authority and leadership or respond appropriately to leadership. |
| Clear understanding of his/her roles within the team. Support each other. | |
| Manager | Formulate a plan in advance; establish priorities with appropriate use of key resources. |
| Ask for help appropriately. | |
| Professional | Maintain standards of care, mutual respect, ethics and legal codes. |
| Team members refer to established protocols. | |
| Disagreements or conflicts among team members are addressed. | |
| Health advocate | Attention to patient/team safety risks and needs. |
| Scholar | Teaching and demonstrating reflective learning. |
| Application and translation of medical knowledge beyond algorithms (eg, critically evaluate information and its sources; apply this appropriately to practice decisions). | |
| Medical Expert Competencies | |
| Situation awareness | Attention/vigilance. Frequent scan of environment (monitors). |
| Anticipate likely events. | |
| Medical history | Gather information, medical history. |
| Examine patient/equipment | Quick problem-directed physical exam. |
| Quick check of equipment/monitors. | |
| Diagnosis/differentials | Recognize the problem and communicate. |
| Consider differentials. | |
| Confirmation/investigations | Order and interpret appropriately pertinent labs/images/monitors. |
| Medical therapeutic | Compensatory and specific agent or medication, time, dose, route, and response. |
| May use checklists and reminders. | |
| Procedure therapeutic | Compensatory and specific procedure/intervention, time, technique, and response. |
| Deal with changing situations | Reassess/re-evaluate. Recognize changes. |
Sunday, March 31, 2013
getting organized!
- Clothes --hopen 8 drawers
- Shoes
- Miscellaneous-- office supplies, health n beauty, electronics, water filters, bags
- Laundry hamper
- Dishes n cookware, coffee maker
- Food--tea, honey, food for the week
- Plant
- Printer
- Laptop
- Bedside stand
- Desk n chair
- Lamp
refrigerator to get for my brother
Vissani 4.5 cu. ft. Mini Refrigerator in Stainless Look, ENERGY STAR
Model # HVDR450SE
from Home Depot
Saturday, March 30, 2013
The Audrey Hepburn Way of Life by Melissa Hellstern
Happiness: How to find your bliss
Success: How to make your mark
Health: how to be beautiful
Love: How to get what you deserve
Family: how to nurture those you love
Friendship: How to build relationships for life
Fulfillment: How to make the most of it
Style: How to be an icon
Fame: How to handle celebrity
Humanity: How to change the world
- "Be on time. Remember to think of others first. Don't talk a lot about yourself. You are not interesting. It's the others that matter"
- Happiness is health and a short memory.
Success: How to make your mark
- "opportunities don't often come along. So, when they do, you have to grab them."
- If you want to get psychological, you can say my definiteness stems from underlying feelings of insecurity and inferiority. I couldn't conquer these feelings by acting indecisive. I found the only way to get the better of them was by putting my foot down, by adopting a forceful and concentrated drive."
- "I was not an actress when I came to movies. I was a dancer. So, I had no experience. I had experience in working, working hard. Ballet is hard. Discipline. Those were the things I could contribute
Health: how to be beautiful
- "I love to walk, so I do get lots of air... lots and lots of oxygen. And I sleep marvelously well. I need eight or nine hours to make me completely happy; otherwise I long for a nap. But if I don't have one, it doesn't destroy me. I'm very relaxed and unmethodical about myself. I do what I have to do and let it go at that."
- Asked "can a woman age in a beautiful and interesting way?" "We've got to believe that! Otherwise, what would you do--shoot yourself?"
Love: How to get what you deserve
- It was the sweetest thing to see their little jokes--that playful, mischievous side of her. She was so smart, so well-read, spoke gazillions of languages. No wonder Robbie never got bored with her.
Family: how to nurture those you love
Friendship: How to build relationships for life
Fulfillment: How to make the most of it
Style: How to be an icon
Fame: How to handle celebrity
Humanity: How to change the world
My ideal home at the moment
Flushing
- safe
- low property taxes
- good library
- good school districts?
- closed to Chinese grocery
The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin edited by Louis P. Masur
Getting rid of the book from my Paramus days. Here are the pages I bookmarked.
p39
70
84
88
8994
105
112
p39
70
84
88
8994
105
112
Budget plan
2012-2013 Intern 33-34: -200K, +25K (-11K, 4K), +10K (invest in stock or farm?)
2013-2014 CA1 34-35: +30K-> purchase $150K apt (maintenance + property tax + interest + mortgage $1000 + renovations $30K)
2014-2015 CA2 35-36: +20K
2015-2016 CA3 36 -37: +40K
2016-2017 F/W 37-38: + 320K->sell $200K or rent out $1.3K/month
Student loans:
Payment plans:
2013-2014 CA1 34-35: +30K-> purchase $150K apt (maintenance + property tax + interest + mortgage $1000 + renovations $30K)
2014-2015 CA2 35-36: +20K
2015-2016 CA3 36 -37: +40K
2016-2017 F/W 37-38: + 320K->sell $200K or rent out $1.3K/month
Student loans:
- Plus loans: 7.9% interest
- Direct loan: 6.8% interest?
Payment plans:
- Extended repayment: 25yrs
- extended graduate
- income based
- income contingent
Monthly expenses:
- rent/mortgage
- utilities
- transport
- groceries
- entertainment/dining out
- health
- books/educational material
- investment?
monthly salary
contact 877-557-2575, fsa.help.ed.gov
www.loanconsolidation.ed.gov
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Learning from past relationships
Analyzing what works and what doesn't work to hopefully find my ultimate significant other!
Mistake #1: Jake (3 years)
Loc: Met in high school.
Bkgnd: Messed up family, parents did drugs and were incarcerated
Good: First love, showered me with a lot of love and attention, possessive
Bad: Temper tantrum, controlling, degrading, party too much, arrogant, fat, poor diet, got upset that I did better than him academically, not encouraging me to succeed, want me to be his little woman
Mistake #2/3/4/7: Nick (2 wks) / Chuyu (1 month) / Mim's friend (3 dates) /Fran (few dates)
Loc: College/ Yahoo personal/ Mimi's friend/ Okcupid
Bkgnd: Italian/ Mainland China CS PhD/ US Cantonese CS PhD/ Irish CS PhD
Bad: Cultural barriers-- don't know rock n roll music or American culture/ nor life in Mainland or speakcc Mandarin/ nothing in common & crazy new teaching scheme talking like dad--without substance
Mistake #5: Alan (3 dates)
Loc: Match.com
Bkgnd: Cantonese, MD
Good: Tall and cute, good teeth, Cantonese, health profession
Bad: weird, stalker--showing up to parties I'm going to and then dancing w other chicks
Mistake #6: Jackson (1.5 years)
Loc: Match.com
Bkgnd: Cantonese, MD, possessive mom
Good: cute, similar likes, both have a sister w disability
Bad: spoiled, selfish, childish--wants to prove to his brother-in-laws, when hanging out w his buddies he doesn't pick up, not communicative, doesn't express feelings, quiet, sheepish, autoimmune diseases, short,
Breakup: He started to not love me as much after I broke up with him multiple times + I called his parents names? always gambling? and he took revenge by saying my parents are poor and can't never live in LI. He was stress out with Step 1 exam. We spent time at my cousin Carol's Christmas Day party. He found my cousins too Chinese. We spent some quality time during my winter break together. We both weren't studying hard enough. I was getting stressed w the medical school application and research paper. Leaving his apt late and getting a parking ticket were the last upsets for me to tell myself "get myself together!" No more fooling around. Needed to get work done. So I wrote him an email stating that I needed time off from him so I could finish writing my research paper. I didn't contact him and ignored his emails for two weeks. He called me on the 2 weeks mark just couple of hours after I submitted the paper.
Breakup conversation:
Him: You left your clothing here and my mom did the laundry. Did you do that purposely?
Me: No. How would I know that you won't be doing your own laundry. What happened
Him: They didn't say anything. What are you doing now?
Me: Watching a tennis match w my Dad (which was what I was doing at the moment, instead of stating that I just submitted my paper which I worked on for the past two weeks).
Him in distraught tone: You know you caused me to not able to concentrate and study. I did poorly on my exams because of you. Why can't you be more like my housemate's girlfriend? She visits every week even though she's in med school herself.
Me: "what are you trying to say?"
Him: "Let's break up."
Me: You're kidding right?
Him: No.
Me: why?
Him: you're not hardworking, shy, you smell, and will never get into med school
Me: I'm on winter break of course I'm not as hardworking, I'm just shy in front of your parents
Him: Bye!
Me: when are you done w your Step 1?
Him: Aug. 1st.
Me. Fine. I'll call you after that.
Him: Do whatever you want. I won't answer.
The End
Mistake #8: Michael (6 months)
Loc: eHarmony
Bkgnd: Mainland China, Cantonese, lawyer
Good: we both have a busy work schedule, doesn't drink, skinny, eats semi-healthy, frugal, conservative
Bad: doesn't listen, selfish, weird, say things that do not connect/ lying (car, friend from Australia)? and would not clarify, controlling, insulting (you're not a dermatologist), terrible teeth, heartburn, extremely stressed out, very tense, bizarre gestures, relatives begging for money.
Why not to call him (things he said): "you need to eat more meat." After my rebuttal, "You read too much." Like me b/c I'm cheap. Negative comments on internet. Not for once apologize for breaking promises. Asked help w glasses and laptops. But didn't take my responses seriously. "you're silly." "You need psychiatric evaluation."
So tired of dating!!!
Criteria from Most important to Least:
1. Not selfish. Helps out when other is busy. Supportive
2. Without serious health problems
3. Honest
4. Non-smoker and no regular alcohol intake
5. Eat healthy, skinny, and exercises
6. Patient with answering questions
7. Volunteers/ good heart/ environmental
8. Cantonese speaker
9. studying/ busy work schedule (lawyer or MD) x 3 years
Lessons:
Mistake #1: Jake (3 years)
Loc: Met in high school.
Bkgnd: Messed up family, parents did drugs and were incarcerated
Good: First love, showered me with a lot of love and attention, possessive
Bad: Temper tantrum, controlling, degrading, party too much, arrogant, fat, poor diet, got upset that I did better than him academically, not encouraging me to succeed, want me to be his little woman
Mistake #2/3/4/7: Nick (2 wks) / Chuyu (1 month) / Mim's friend (3 dates) /Fran (few dates)
Loc: College/ Yahoo personal/ Mimi's friend/ Okcupid
Bkgnd: Italian/ Mainland China CS PhD/ US Cantonese CS PhD/ Irish CS PhD
Bad: Cultural barriers-- don't know rock n roll music or American culture/ nor life in Mainland or speakcc Mandarin/ nothing in common & crazy new teaching scheme talking like dad--without substance
Mistake #5: Alan (3 dates)
Loc: Match.com
Bkgnd: Cantonese, MD
Good: Tall and cute, good teeth, Cantonese, health profession
Bad: weird, stalker--showing up to parties I'm going to and then dancing w other chicks
Mistake #6: Jackson (1.5 years)
Loc: Match.com
Bkgnd: Cantonese, MD, possessive mom
Good: cute, similar likes, both have a sister w disability
Bad: spoiled, selfish, childish--wants to prove to his brother-in-laws, when hanging out w his buddies he doesn't pick up, not communicative, doesn't express feelings, quiet, sheepish, autoimmune diseases, short,
Breakup: He started to not love me as much after I broke up with him multiple times + I called his parents names? always gambling? and he took revenge by saying my parents are poor and can't never live in LI. He was stress out with Step 1 exam. We spent time at my cousin Carol's Christmas Day party. He found my cousins too Chinese. We spent some quality time during my winter break together. We both weren't studying hard enough. I was getting stressed w the medical school application and research paper. Leaving his apt late and getting a parking ticket were the last upsets for me to tell myself "get myself together!" No more fooling around. Needed to get work done. So I wrote him an email stating that I needed time off from him so I could finish writing my research paper. I didn't contact him and ignored his emails for two weeks. He called me on the 2 weeks mark just couple of hours after I submitted the paper.
Breakup conversation:
Him: You left your clothing here and my mom did the laundry. Did you do that purposely?
Me: No. How would I know that you won't be doing your own laundry. What happened
Him: They didn't say anything. What are you doing now?
Me: Watching a tennis match w my Dad (which was what I was doing at the moment, instead of stating that I just submitted my paper which I worked on for the past two weeks).
Him in distraught tone: You know you caused me to not able to concentrate and study. I did poorly on my exams because of you. Why can't you be more like my housemate's girlfriend? She visits every week even though she's in med school herself.
Me: "what are you trying to say?"
Him: "Let's break up."
Me: You're kidding right?
Him: No.
Me: why?
Him: you're not hardworking, shy, you smell, and will never get into med school
Me: I'm on winter break of course I'm not as hardworking, I'm just shy in front of your parents
Him: Bye!
Me: when are you done w your Step 1?
Him: Aug. 1st.
Me. Fine. I'll call you after that.
Him: Do whatever you want. I won't answer.
The End
Mistake #8: Michael (6 months)
Loc: eHarmony
Bkgnd: Mainland China, Cantonese, lawyer
Good: we both have a busy work schedule, doesn't drink, skinny, eats semi-healthy, frugal, conservative
Bad: doesn't listen, selfish, weird, say things that do not connect/ lying (car, friend from Australia)? and would not clarify, controlling, insulting (you're not a dermatologist), terrible teeth, heartburn, extremely stressed out, very tense, bizarre gestures, relatives begging for money.
Why not to call him (things he said): "you need to eat more meat." After my rebuttal, "You read too much." Like me b/c I'm cheap. Negative comments on internet. Not for once apologize for breaking promises. Asked help w glasses and laptops. But didn't take my responses seriously. "you're silly." "You need psychiatric evaluation."
So tired of dating!!!
Criteria from Most important to Least:
1. Not selfish. Helps out when other is busy. Supportive
2. Without serious health problems
3. Honest
4. Non-smoker and no regular alcohol intake
5. Eat healthy, skinny, and exercises
6. Patient with answering questions
7. Volunteers/ good heart/ environmental
8. Cantonese speaker
9. studying/ busy work schedule (lawyer or MD) x 3 years
Lessons:
- Have self-confidence.
- Smell good and take care of self.
- Love should only enhances career not destroy it. Good life work balance. Good time management.
- Be consistent in a relationship. Don't give the silence treatment.
- Find a guy that is focused on us as a whole and not just HIM/ selfish!!!!
- Have life outside of relationship and work--exercise, volleyball, tennis, jogging, volunteering, libraries, environmental stuff--to make myself more interesting
- Be more communicative and clear with my feelings. Don't keep emotions if they could be corrected
- Happiness and trust
From
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men,
"He leads you into a convoluted maze, making your relationship with him a labyrinth of twists and turns."
"your opinions aren't worth listening to carefully or taking seriously"
"deadly oppressive"
"narcissistic personality disorder"
Getting over the ex's
reference: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/56954-do-you-really-think-contacting-your-ex-going-help-you-guide-long-walk
"Do you really think contacting your ex is going to help you? Guide for the long walk
"I agree that contacting your ex is a bad idea if they broke up with you. No matter what you are going to feel hurt over the break up. Calling them and letting them know about this or calling to talk about it won't make you feel better. They know where you live and know how to get in touch, so if anybody contacts anyone it should be them. This is a hard and painful fact about break ups. After the break up you're going to feel so much pain and it won't be alleviated by calling them. It won't feel better to not call them either. Waiting out the pain and moving on in your life is the only way to get over them. And that in itself is painful. So there you go. Break ups hurt, no matter what. It is like grieving a death. But waking the dead won't bring the person back. "
"Do you really think contacting your ex is going to help you? Guide for the long walk
The absolute worst thing you can do is contact your ex (regardless of the reason). From a guys perspective, men have a far more difficult time getting over their ex. I think women have a far stronger support structure and tend to listen to the advice of family and friends; thus, when they hear enough times "that he's a jerk" and have their feelings validated by those outside the relationship, they tend to run with it.
If you have spent considerable time away from your ex, 4+ months, your gonna need a 100 yard touchdown pass to get him/her back into your life. I've been through this several times. All contacting your ex is going to do is really screw you up, like spiking yourself in the nuts with a snow shovel (know what I'm saying). You don't want to know how they are doing (its really more than you can handle). Nothing that you are doing is going to impress or endear them to you, regardless who dumped who.
I have noticed that those of us here, tend to be the ones that are plagued by the memory of loves lost. Our ex is not pimping this site. They do not sit and pine after you. They have moved on. Take this example: past behavior is the best indication of future behavior. Think back to a time when you ex discussed ex-boyfriend/girlfriend with you. Remember how they talked about them? Remember how they got over them? They are doing the same thing to you (we are very slowly accepting this and we are very, very pissed off).
In my opinion and after many conversations with guys and girls, you don't quite get over those you have been close to. If you have ever had a death in your family you will understand where I'm coming from. Regardless of time you will always have a small ache when their memory surfaces, fact.
However, the agony of loss will eventually go away. I am a firm adhearer to the concept of modeling the sucess of others to become sucessful. What I'm saying is mimic what others are doing to get yourself free. This is what I have learned.
1) Treat yourself as if you are your girlfriend/boyfriend when you first met them. how did you speak to them? Speak to yourself in the same way. Did you dress to the 9 to be more attractive for your love? Do the same for yourself now. Were you physically attentive to them? Get massages, change up your flat, put yourself in luxury. Did you workout to impress them? Exercise and get rocked up for yourself now.
2)You must treat your ex like he/she is a serial killing stalker. Avoid all (once again ALL) contact with them. Do not call, e-mail, PM, morse code, smoke signal your ex. You will go back to day one of your break up when you do this. Subconciously I think they want to hurt you, so you can hurt like they did.
3)Break your patterns. Do not drive by your ex's place, work, hangouts. You will not accomplish anything but hurting yourself. How would you feel if you see him/her with another (back to break up day 1)? Find other hangouts, other routes to work, other places to workout May cost you some extra money to change locale but it saves on the pain.
4) Become obsessed with a project (this is essential) do some thing you always wanted to do, I don't care what it is. Make sure it involves other people (makes it social). Give yourself little free time. Its when were alone that the demons come.
5) know your mind, find out when you think about your ex, and plan accordingly. I know when I'm tired or really hungry or have nothing to do, her memory surfaces (and she's a scrub). WATCH HOW YOU TALK TO YOURSELF. Congnitive Behavioral Therapy adhears to: What you think is what you feel. This for me is very true. When I feel bad, I do it to myself, not her, not you, ME.
6) Lay off serious relationships for awhile...REALLY! When you do have down time from your now hectic life, that is when you go out with friends and get your drink/party on.
7) Hook up......Yes I said hook up! People, really much of the time all we miss is the physical closeness we had with our ex (for guys this is normally 90% true). My ex was a walking version of the Blair Witch Project (that was me standing in the corner LOL). The physical was all that kept me, even when s**t was really bad. I have found now adays many people are into no strings realtionships or "booty calls" if you will (many people just don't want the hassle of being emotional, or have time for a relationship). My advice is enter into negotiations with a perspective girl/guy. Negotiations should consist of the nature of the realtionship (physical+no drama). Both parties must agree or someone is going to get hurt. I believe that once the physical is taken care of and no relationship is assumed you can be free to work on yourself. The power of the ex will be greatly diminished.
8)Emergency measures: If you run into your ex. If you can roll out before they see you, bail. YOU CANNOT HANDLE what they have to say to you. If you can't bail, wave, smile, roll out (somethings are better left unsaid). If you are trapped and you have to talk, follow these rules A) do not give any info out about you B) do not request info about them C)You are busy, state this nicely, with smile, roll out. You have just saved yourself a ton of pain and you are also mysterious, they think that they're not worth your time (they're not).
8.5) After action: After you see you ex, your going to be a tad screwed up. Refer rule 1) talk to yourself like you are your significant other. Flood yourself with realistic positive comments and walk it off and GET BUSY DOING SOMETHING.
9) Alone emergency measures: A) Get busy doing something (make a card castle, exercise, whatever) B) instill this thought: My situation is not bad, there are people on this planet dying from killer waves, sleeping on the street, being abused by those who should be taking care of them or wasting away from disease, all I got is heart ache, I'm being a little B**ch. If your really hurting just roll into a cancer ward and try to explain your problem to people who are about to take a dirt nap, walk it off
To close, I am well on my way to walking this off. Big part of it was lurking here. This is all that I have learned. You people rock. I'm gonna stick around because unknowingly you did the same for me. Point of interest, I have two dates lined up for the rest of FEB. I'm back!!! I would not change one single thing. What dosen't kill us make us stronger.
No Foolin"If you have spent considerable time away from your ex, 4+ months, your gonna need a 100 yard touchdown pass to get him/her back into your life. I've been through this several times. All contacting your ex is going to do is really screw you up, like spiking yourself in the nuts with a snow shovel (know what I'm saying). You don't want to know how they are doing (its really more than you can handle). Nothing that you are doing is going to impress or endear them to you, regardless who dumped who.
I have noticed that those of us here, tend to be the ones that are plagued by the memory of loves lost. Our ex is not pimping this site. They do not sit and pine after you. They have moved on. Take this example: past behavior is the best indication of future behavior. Think back to a time when you ex discussed ex-boyfriend/girlfriend with you. Remember how they talked about them? Remember how they got over them? They are doing the same thing to you (we are very slowly accepting this and we are very, very pissed off).
In my opinion and after many conversations with guys and girls, you don't quite get over those you have been close to. If you have ever had a death in your family you will understand where I'm coming from. Regardless of time you will always have a small ache when their memory surfaces, fact.
However, the agony of loss will eventually go away. I am a firm adhearer to the concept of modeling the sucess of others to become sucessful. What I'm saying is mimic what others are doing to get yourself free. This is what I have learned.
1) Treat yourself as if you are your girlfriend/boyfriend when you first met them. how did you speak to them? Speak to yourself in the same way. Did you dress to the 9 to be more attractive for your love? Do the same for yourself now. Were you physically attentive to them? Get massages, change up your flat, put yourself in luxury. Did you workout to impress them? Exercise and get rocked up for yourself now.
2)You must treat your ex like he/she is a serial killing stalker. Avoid all (once again ALL) contact with them. Do not call, e-mail, PM, morse code, smoke signal your ex. You will go back to day one of your break up when you do this. Subconciously I think they want to hurt you, so you can hurt like they did.
3)Break your patterns. Do not drive by your ex's place, work, hangouts. You will not accomplish anything but hurting yourself. How would you feel if you see him/her with another (back to break up day 1)? Find other hangouts, other routes to work, other places to workout May cost you some extra money to change locale but it saves on the pain.
4) Become obsessed with a project (this is essential) do some thing you always wanted to do, I don't care what it is. Make sure it involves other people (makes it social). Give yourself little free time. Its when were alone that the demons come.
5) know your mind, find out when you think about your ex, and plan accordingly. I know when I'm tired or really hungry or have nothing to do, her memory surfaces (and she's a scrub). WATCH HOW YOU TALK TO YOURSELF. Congnitive Behavioral Therapy adhears to: What you think is what you feel. This for me is very true. When I feel bad, I do it to myself, not her, not you, ME.
6) Lay off serious relationships for awhile...REALLY! When you do have down time from your now hectic life, that is when you go out with friends and get your drink/party on.
7) Hook up......Yes I said hook up! People, really much of the time all we miss is the physical closeness we had with our ex (for guys this is normally 90% true). My ex was a walking version of the Blair Witch Project (that was me standing in the corner LOL). The physical was all that kept me, even when s**t was really bad. I have found now adays many people are into no strings realtionships or "booty calls" if you will (many people just don't want the hassle of being emotional, or have time for a relationship). My advice is enter into negotiations with a perspective girl/guy. Negotiations should consist of the nature of the realtionship (physical+no drama). Both parties must agree or someone is going to get hurt. I believe that once the physical is taken care of and no relationship is assumed you can be free to work on yourself. The power of the ex will be greatly diminished.
8)Emergency measures: If you run into your ex. If you can roll out before they see you, bail. YOU CANNOT HANDLE what they have to say to you. If you can't bail, wave, smile, roll out (somethings are better left unsaid). If you are trapped and you have to talk, follow these rules A) do not give any info out about you B) do not request info about them C)You are busy, state this nicely, with smile, roll out. You have just saved yourself a ton of pain and you are also mysterious, they think that they're not worth your time (they're not).
8.5) After action: After you see you ex, your going to be a tad screwed up. Refer rule 1) talk to yourself like you are your significant other. Flood yourself with realistic positive comments and walk it off and GET BUSY DOING SOMETHING.
9) Alone emergency measures: A) Get busy doing something (make a card castle, exercise, whatever) B) instill this thought: My situation is not bad, there are people on this planet dying from killer waves, sleeping on the street, being abused by those who should be taking care of them or wasting away from disease, all I got is heart ache, I'm being a little B**ch. If your really hurting just roll into a cancer ward and try to explain your problem to people who are about to take a dirt nap, walk it off
To close, I am well on my way to walking this off. Big part of it was lurking here. This is all that I have learned. You people rock. I'm gonna stick around because unknowingly you did the same for me. Point of interest, I have two dates lined up for the rest of FEB. I'm back!!! I would not change one single thing. What dosen't kill us make us stronger.
"I agree that contacting your ex is a bad idea if they broke up with you. No matter what you are going to feel hurt over the break up. Calling them and letting them know about this or calling to talk about it won't make you feel better. They know where you live and know how to get in touch, so if anybody contacts anyone it should be them. This is a hard and painful fact about break ups. After the break up you're going to feel so much pain and it won't be alleviated by calling them. It won't feel better to not call them either. Waiting out the pain and moving on in your life is the only way to get over them. And that in itself is painful. So there you go. Break ups hurt, no matter what. It is like grieving a death. But waking the dead won't bring the person back. "
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